Essay:Exploitative Relationships in Social Reproduction

When Marxists analyze social reproduction, it is almost always about a man and woman couple. As a trans man and a lesbian, I have observations about gender violence under capitalism, which I experience almost the same way that women do. In an effort to prevent further violence, I have elaborated on the material dynamics at work within platonic friendships.

I recommend talking to the cis men in your life about this analysis to give the best chance of it not occurring. Consciousness is the way.

1. Objectification: Cishet men treat me as a use-value (for the man's emotional gratification) that is only activated insofar as there is a perceived (in his mind) potential for a sexual relationship. It is the commodity fetishism of intimacy wherein humanity is conditional upon exchange. The man is also not just seeking a use-value; he is seeking to privatize it. He doesn't want general emotional connection; he wants my emotional labor directed at him, exclusively, under terms he implicitly controls. Or he might be a collector of acquaintances, extracting small dividends of each, without ever investing the deep, reciprocal labor required for genuine friendship.
2. Extraction of Unpaid Labor: I perform the emotional and intellectual labor of maintaining the bond, the majority or maybe even all of it. In return, I receive silence, disappearance, or maybe the bare minimum of acknowledgement. The difference is my surplus personhood that is extracted. This surplus is what sustains the illusion of a relationship, while I bear the real costs.
3. Gender Assignment: I seek bro relationships that are equal and non-transactional bonds providing gender comfort, but find myself slotted into a feminized role of the provider of care work.
4. Violence: This at times leads to me becoming the victim of coercive and intrusive actions, which may (and often) include an expectation of sex.

Conclusion:

Yes, I am being exploited, and you the reader may also be exploited if this resonates with you. Hopefully, by raising your own awareness of these dynamics you can identify them faster and avoid such exploitation in the future.